Blossoming Bonds: The Evolution of Our Friendships
As far back as we were taught, one of the most essential skills for survival is being socialized with others. One of the first things our parents tell us before we go off to school is ‘Have a great day at school - I hope you make new friends’. Throughout our schooling days, we grow close to those with whom we share common ground, common interests, and the sort. As we grow older, not only do we hold on to those friendships that we have made, but we also form even deeper bonds with new friends. Then you get to college, where our lives significantly change, and you ultimately choose between keeping your friends that you want close or having those bonds slowly fade into oblivion. Now as we enter adulthood and more responsibilities hunker on our shoulders, we start to think about those true friends, the ones that have stuck by u through thick and thin not just those who share common interest with, that would be a bonus, but those individuals who remain by your side, no matter what in the good or the bad. Those are the friendships that we tend to hold onto throughout our adult life.
Consider this - friendship is like a flower. It’s bright and colorful - beautiful to look at and admire. If you water it and give it plenty of sunshine and care, it will flourish. Think about this visual and keep it in the back of your mind.
As I looked into this particular topic in preparation for writing this article, there were a couple of factors that influence or change the development of these friendships: life events, distance, time, shared values. Yes, all of these are part of what makes a strong foundation for friendship, and I have experienced most, if not all of these factors with each friendship that I have in my life. But as I have grown up, the value and impact that these friendships have had on my life have only deepened. Even today, and throughout my professional working career, the coworkers that I spent every day in the office or on set with, grew from simply colleagues to friends in the span of weeks.
We all have gone through the ups and downs of gaining and losing friendships throughout our life. I am one of the lucky few I feel that have gained and maintained friends from every part of my life, who tell a different story not only of our friendship, but for me personally. I have had friends whom I have known since my elementary school days, and have seen the full evolution of the person that I have become. I have had friends who I've known since middle school, who have seen me at my most vulnerable moments, but they rooted for me no matter what (and in turned, I have rooted for them). I have only a couple of friends from high school that I still talk to - the stereotypical trope of friends who grow apart when they go to college still holds true for me. During my college years, I branched out and made a variety of friends in different groups, while at the same time trying to keep the bridge of my current friendships strong and sturdy. After college, and moving into postgraduate life, this seems to be where the shift went from making friendships merely out of similar bonds to making friends out of necessity. When I was in the workforce during my first couple of jobs, making those essential bonds were crucial to merely getting through the workday. Additionally, after hours, making those essential connections and friendships also helped me keep a roof over my head. My roommates ended up becoming my friends. Although I wish I had been more forthcoming with my roommates and done more bonding activities with them, they had their own friendships to uphold and so I wasn't mad about that. Now, as I am in my career phase and married phase, keeping those friendships alive is more important than ever. I can't even imagine balancing everything else in life on top of keeping those connections with your friends.
In the inevitable balance of life, whenever we gain friends, we also tend to lose them. I have lost friendships for a variety of different reasons. I’ve lost friendships because it was my fault - I am not going to merely point fingers, I’ve been the culprit once or twice. I've lost friendships because I voiced my truth. I have lost friendships because the sands of time slipped away, and I lost the connection. I've lost friendships because I have evolved as a person. I have lost friendships, merely due to life circumstances, whether it be my fault or the fault of the other party. I've lost friendships because they didn't serve a need for me anymore, which seems really bleak, but if I look at it from the other person’s perspective, depending on who it is, I feel that they would agree with me. I have lost friendships because our belief systems no longer aligned and even with trying to see from their perspective. It was hard to do so. Finally, I've lost friendships that even after much thinking and reflection, I can never truly understand the reason why they are gone. These are the hardest for me to let go of, but eventually, for my own sanity and mental health, I have to move on and grow from this.
In life, I have learned that just because a friendship is mapped out, it doesn’t mean that it was meant to be followed or pursued fully. There's also some thing that I like to call the one-sided friendship, where one person upholds their end of the bargain but the other person gives a lack of effort or nonexistent effort to keep the friendship going. I have lost friendships because of this - if it was my fault, I have deeply regretted those choices I made to have it get to that point. Alternatively, if I was not at fault, I am not 100% sure why those losses make me feel the way I did. What I always have to wonder if there was something that I could've done that I didn't even think about that would've helps hold onto that friendship if only for a little while longer. I remember having a best friend in my elementary school days - we would spend so many hours together. Our parents worked together and we went to the same school, so naturally, we hung out a lot. We spent summers on the lake, laughing and riding along the water in speedboats, and we spent so much time at each other's houses with sleepovers and playdates. We even became penpals for a short while - I clearly remember one of the last letters I got had a detailed photo of an American girl doll on the outside of the envelope, neatly tied with a bow. The letter inside was sweet and personal. We hardly spoke to each other in the latter part of middle school and then drifted apart in high school. Then one day, the friendship just evaporated - no rhyme or reason, no explanation. For years, I remember trying to reach out just to check in and see how they were, but I hardly got a response. Even today, I'm not ashamed to say that I am "friends” with this individual on Instagram, but truth be told, it does not hold the same impact as our fully fledged friendship from long ago.
To address my previous quote, the “friends” on Instagram or any other social media platform are how friendship has evolved, both in positive and negative ways, from my perspective. I have a wide list of friends on my social media accounts, as these are a culmination of friends that I have made about my life. What is great about this is that one of the key aspects of maintaining a friendship - distance - has been solved through these platforms. At the click of a button and a simple message, you can instantly be reconnected with someone that you spoke to at a party years ago or attended a class in college. Even with the video call becoming popular, especially during COVID, we still have that face-to-face connection to our friends, if only with a screen as a barrier.
Even today, as a married woman in her 30s, I still struggle with balancing friendships with everyday life. I have the occasional brunch/meet up, which is always a breath of fresh air within the strenuous, busy life that I have built. Whenever I meet up with them, it seems like no time was lost. Even when I go back home in the summer, some of the friendships that I've had for over 20 years whenever we get together, it seems like no time has passed, and we chat and laugh happily for hours, reminiscing on life, and looking forward to the future making more memories together. That is the true power of a friendship well-maintained.
As I continue living my life, I'm not only hope that I can maintain the current friendships that I have, but I am always open to making new friends and giving them a chance to connect in my inner circle. Who knows? They could be the key to even more significant and grateful memories. Especially now, when we are in a time that is tumultuous in so many ways, friendship is truly one of the most powerful assets that we have. We have to hold on to these bonds because at the end of the day we are all human. We need that connection in order to essentially survive.
All of this to say, friendships are perhaps one of the most powerful and valuable things that we have. Friendships help shape who we are as people. Friendships are the bonds that keep us going. Friendships are the ones that help us up during our darkest hours. Whenever I have faced problems in my life, I always had someone to go to. Of course, there is my family, but I am also blessed to have the friends that I've made along the way, who have stuck with me through thick and thin. I am truly grateful for all of my friendships – the ones that I made through work, the ones that I have made in school, the ones that I have made, and through my travels, the ones I made through social, gatherings, and the ones that I have made in the most unexpected circumstances. All of them have been influential in my story, and I hope I have the same effect in their lives as well.
